Wash Away Your Fears
by BrittzandTana
Summary: Alison is wrapped in insecurities from top to bottom, and she is determined to start fresh in a new place, where she meets Emily, a girl who is in love with a girl she can never have. Instantly drawn to each other, both girls have many things to shed as they explore themselves. EMISON ENDGAME! EMILY/ALISON! Totally AU! M for language/themes/smut. Possible triggers?
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hello! Yes, it's here, my new Emison fanfiction! Welcome, my lovelies, to Wash Away Your Fears, or WAYF :P This story is perhaps one of the most AU ones I have written, and it's also a lot different than most of my other stories... It's written probably a little "looser" than CYSM was... I think I have 6 chapters written so far..**

**So... there MAY be some triggers for some people in here... which, I know, is something I haven't ever had to say with any other fics, but I feel like I should mention. Also, I'm thinking maybe some more cursing and maybe a little more graphic smut? Both things are something that I have gotten more and more comfortable with recently, and ya, it's 2015, why not? :P**

**Italics are thoughts/flashbacks/dream ... flashbacks and dreams will be specified.**

**Bolds are texts/emails/signs.. such things shall also be specified...**

**OMG! I haven't even introduced myself, crap. I'm Tana, for those of you who don't know! I'm a crazy teenage lesbian who, when she's not stressing over school and choir, is writing FF like a mad person. I've been on her for a little over two years, and it's been one of the best experiences I've ever had. I love writing and it's amazing to get to share it all with people :) I've written too many Emison fics for me to count (not really but it' late so), as well as Dantana fics, Quinntana fics, and Brittana. I've also briefly written for Karmy and I have a newer fic up for Hollstein from Carmilla as well. Check it out :)**

**Alright... so... without further ado...**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!**

**PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW! C:**

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><p>Emily Fields was an average girl in the small town of Rosewood, Pennsylvania. She was super close with her three best friends—they told each other everything—and they were relatively popular all together. She herself, however, wasn't always the brightest star. Maybe on the swim team she was, where she could beat everyone on her team and lead her entire team to beat every other team in the district and region. Aside from that, though, she wasn't anything special.<p>

She didn't really have any friends until she was absorbed into the friend group she was now a part of. That was about two years ago. She wasn't sure why any of them had decided to accept her into their group, but she was glad that they had, because they all fit together so well.

First, there was Spencer Hastings. Originally, Emily had just seen her around and recognized her as the smartest person on the planet. She was the captain of like ten different clubs, had the highest GPA in any of the grades, and she was also captain of the field hockey team. Emily used to find her a little scary, if she was being honest, but since she'd gotten to know her, they were actually good friends.

Then, there was Aria Montgomery. Emily had seen her around a lot more than she had Spencer before they were friends, and she'd even spoken to her a few times. She was quirky, but she really sweet and nice and now that Emily knew her, the two of them were actually really close—definitely closer than Emily and Spencer were.

Lastly, there was Hanna Marin. She was not as nerdy or quirky or average as the rest of the girls. She was the Rosewood High It-Girl. To say that she was the center of their friend group wasn't entirely correct, but she was definitely of the highest social standing. Aside from the fact that she did wear the best clothing and walk with her nose up, she really was a nice to her friends. She was funny and liked to make them all laugh, even if sometimes that meant sounding a little stupid or weird. That's what Emily loved about her.

Actually, Emily loved a lot of things about Hanna. Maybe a little more than as a normal friend would, which drove Emily crazy. She had no idea who she was. All she knew was that when she looked at Hanna, her heart beat sped up, and that Hanna was dating super popular Sean Ackard.

It was hard sometimes, and sometimes she thought that telling Hanna might be the best idea, but she had never brought herself to do it. And she never would. She couldn't do that to her friendships, which still felt new even though they had all been friends for two years, the other three an extra year onto that.

Alison DiLaurentis was not an average girl. First of all, she was absolutely gorgeous, and she looked at least two years older than she actually was. As a sixteen year old girl, that was a good thing. Alison had grown up in California, but her parents were getting a divorce, and her mother had decided to move to where she had once lived, and Alison went with her.

When she researched Rosewood, Pennsylvania, Alison found herself mildly disappointed. She was going from the big city of San Francisco to this tiny town an hour outside of Philadelphia.

On the other hand, she wasn't at all disappointed. When Jessica DiLaurentis drove the car into the town, and Alison saw the welcome sign, she felt almost cozy. After everything Alison had been through in California, maybe this place could be a fresh start.

"Alison, the moving truck will be here any minute, so get ready to start bringing in boxes," her mom called up to her. Alison was currently just sitting in her empty room on the floor, wondering what her new life would be like in this rich, cozy town.

"Okay," she called down to her mom, and then she heard the beeping sound of a moving truck backing into their driveway. Heaving a sigh, she pulled herself up and off of the floor, heading downstairs immediately. She almost wished that her brother, Jason, hadn't moved out right before the divorce began. This big house for just her and her mom was going to start feeling lonely.

She was outside at the moving truck before her mom, and the driver guy that they'd hired was opening up the back. "You going to need a hand with bringing everything in?" he asked in a rough southern accent.

"No, thank you," Jessica answered suddenly as she came outside of the house. "If you could just take the boxes and set them on the driveway."

Ten minutes later, all of the boxes were on the driveway, the guy collected his final pay, and then Alison and her mom were left alone in this huge house. Without a word, Alison started to move all of her boxes up to her room, one by one.

Her mom must've noticed her silence, because before she went outside to get her last box, her mom intercepted her. "Alison, are you okay?" she asked in a concerned voice.

"I'm fine," Alison stated in a sure voice, but Jessica DiLaurentis wasn't going to be fooled by it.

"You fooled me once, Alison, but not again," she said in a hushed voice. "I want this to be a fresh start for both of us, okay?"

"Why is the house so big?" Alison finally asked. "It's just two of us, remember? Not four."

"This was my house when I was a kid, Alison," her mom explained. "My mom lives in Georgia now, and she said we can use this house. We can't afford to buy our own right now, big or small."

And there was the truth. A few months earlier, at the end of sophomore year, Alison and Jessica DiLaurentis had made a pact to one another to always tell each other the truth. Lies had gotten them nowhere good. So far, neither of them had gone against their pact.

Alison just nodded, though, and stepped around her mom to go outside for her last box. A few other boxes still sat there, but those were her mom's.

As she walked out onto the driveway, she saw a brunette approaching her from a neighboring house. Taking a deep breath, she stopped by her last box and waited for the girl to reach her. "Hi, there," the girl called out. She was probably about Alison's age, but paler and with much darker hair.

"Hi," Alison returned.

"Is this your house?" the girl questioned. Of course she would ask that, because she probably knew that it was owned and had just been completely abandoned for the past three years.

"My mom's." That was a lie, of course, it was her grandma's.

"What's your name? Are you going to Rosewood High?" the girl listed off the routine questions.

"Alison," she answered, resisting her nervous impulse to run her fingers through her golden hair. Why was she so nervous? This was a fresh start. Nobody knew her here. "And yes. My first day is Monday."

"Cool," said the brunette, smiling. "I'm Spencer Hastings. I live right there."

"Hastings?" Alison turned to see her mom approaching them with curious eyes. "As in, Peter Hastings?"

"That's my dad," Spencer confirmed, nodding. "Did you used to live here?"

"When I was a kid, yes," Jessica answered, smiling a warm smile at the other teenager. Alison bit down on her tongue, still feeling nervous even though she shouldn't. "I went to high school with your dad."

Spencer smiled. "I have to go, but nice to meet you."

"You, too," Alison said simply, and then the other girl was heading back to her house.

"I wonder who Peter Hastings married," her mom wondered, shaking her head slightly. It must've been weird for her, coming back here to familiar faces married to other familiar faces and having produced some new faces that resembled both.

The only thing about the fact that her mom used to live here that worried Alison was the fact that this wasn't an actual fresh start. Her mom knew people here. She was pretty sure that her mom hadn't kept in touch with anyone in Rosewood, but if she had, than this wasn't a fresh start for Alison either. She took a deep breath and picked up her last box. She needed to start unpacking now, because it was Saturday, and Monday was her first day of school.

Emily heard her doorbell ring, and she immediately rolled off of her bed and hurried downstairs. It was probably her friends—they'd all agreed to meet at Emily's for a sleepover.

Sure enough, there was the first of her guests, Spencer. "Hey, Spence," she greeted with a smile.

"Hey, Em," Spencer returned. "So guess what! There's this new girl who just moved into the house next door to mine."

"The empty one that has been like… abandoned?" Emily asked, raising her eyebrows.

Spencer nodded. "That one. Apparently her mom used to live there when she was a kid, and now they're back. I don't know where from. The daughter, though, looks about seventeen or something."

"Is she nice?" Emily wondered.

"I don't know. She seemed sort of stand-offish. She starts school at Rosewood High on Monday," Spencer explained, and then the front door opened again to reveal Hanna and Aria.

"I brought kettle corn," Aria piped up immediately, and they all rushed up to Emily's bedroom to put on their first movie of the night and eat kettle corn. It's how most of their sleepovers started, and then they usually talked about boys and whatever else came to their minds.

It was an average night for all of them, and after their second movie, when their kettle corn was gone, they circled up to gossip and talk. That's when Spencer brought up the new girl again. "Oh, a family finally moved into that house next door to mine."

"A family?" Aria asked. "I always thought if someone moved in there it would be a creepy old lady."

"I only met the mom and the daughter, but they seem okay," Spencer explained.

"How old is the daughter?" Hanna asked. Emily's eyes fell on the blonde and stuck there shamefully.

"She looks about seventeen? I don't know, but she's starting school at Rosewood High on Monday," Spencer answered. "Her name is Alison."

They were all looking at Hanna now, because she was the It-Girl at Rosewood High, and people had to pass her test. If they were a threat to her standing, then… well, they would find out what to do when it became necessary.

"She seemed sort of stand-offish, or maybe she just didn't want to talk to me," Spencer added, shrugging. "Whatever, though."

So they moved on through different topics as their sleepover continued as normally as if nothing was new. And right now, as far as they were concerned, nothing really was new at all.

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><p><strong>So this really was just an introductory to get you all ready for the story... Introducing - the hardest version of Alison that I've ever written, but definitely my favorite. I think you all will fall in love with her... just you wait ;P<strong>

**I really hope that this short intro to WAYF makes you want to keep reading! I have brilliant plans for this story!**

**CYSM readers, go check out the Flashback story that I posted!**

**Rereading this first chapter has made me want to write (I've been posting things all night but haven't written a single new thing)...**

**So, leave me your feedback, favorite and follow, or you can PM me? Also find me on Twitter at BrittzandTana ! Tweet me that you read this first chapter and I will FOLLOW YOU BACK!**

**Have a lovely night babes!**


	2. I'm Observant

**A/N: Okay, the response I got to this fanfiction is INCREDIBLE. Seriously, I got quite a few reviews/favs/follows yesterday, but it was when I woke up this morning to over 40 new emails in favorites, follows, and reviews that it hit me, like wow. I do agree with one of the guest reviewers - the first chapter was not as captivating as some of my former first chapters for former stories, but I think that this second chapter will really capture you. I know that some of you don't really like the Hannily thing - I know that some of you also do like it. Trust me, though, I think either of the two sides will like this fanfiction. :) Stick with it a bit, and I won't let you down ;D At least, I'll do my best not to!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!**

**PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW!**

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><p>Alison lathered on some lip gloss and then rubbed her lips together carefully. It was her first day at this new school, and she had to look absolutely perfect. Her hair was curled without a single flyaway. Her makeup was even and didn't give away a single flaw. Her outfit was stylish and impressive, as were the heels that she was pairing with them.<p>

She took a deep breath to clear away most of her nerves, and then she stood from her vanity. "You don't need to be nervous," she told herself, looking into the mirror. "Nobody here knows you. It's a fresh start."

"Alison, dear! I'm leaving for the office! Do you need a ride to school?" came Jessica's voice from downstairs.

_Yes_. "No!" Alison called down, glancing at her window. Through it, she could see across a bit of yard and into what she guessed was Spencer Hastings's window. The curtains were mostly closed in the other's room, but Alison had seen her walking through the room.

She knew that she couldn't be completely anti-social here, but she wasn't about to slide into a position of power that was already someone else's. She wanted to be normal in this town. Or, at least, as normal as someone like her could be. "Are you sure? How long is the walk?" her mom called up.

"I'm going to catch a ride with Spencer," Alison decided, grabbing her backpack and hurrying downstairs before the other girl next door could leave. "See you later, mom."

"You, too, dear," came the response as Alison rushed out the door.

She started down the bit of road in between the two houses as she saw Spencer tossing her backpack into the back seat of her car. "Hey," she called out, before the brunette could get into the car. Spencer glanced at her.

"Hi, Alison," she greeted.

"Do you mind giving me a ride? My car doesn't come in until tomorrow." That was the truth. Her car was in the process of being towed across the country, and would be there tomorrow morning at the latest.

"I don't mind," Spencer answered, flashing Alison a smile. "Better hurry up, though, I have to catch the end of a student council meeting before school starts."

So Alison hurried and slid into the passenger seat of Spencer's car, wedging her backpack in between her feet and the front of the car, and buckled her seatbelt. "Thanks," she chimed, flashing a half smile at Spencer.

"Don't worry about it," Spencer insisted as she started driving away from the houses. "So, where's your car coming from?"

_Where did you move from?_ Ali bit her tongue a little, before answering with a meek, "California."

"Oh yeah? Where in California?" Spencer wondered.

"San Francisco," Alison answered, biting down on the inside of her lip. Already she was getting nervous again. Already she felt like she was divulging too much information.

_Nobody knows you here, Alison._ "Wow, that's awesome," Spencer said, flashing her a wide smile. "My friend is considering a college near there."

"Oh yeah? Which one?" Alison asked, even though she didn't really care, and figuring that it was probably Stanford.

"Stanford," Spencer answered. "She's been working so hard since forever for a spot on their swim team."

A swimmer. "Are you a swimmer to?" She was trying to figure out who this girl and her friends were, as far as what type of people they were. This was a fresh start, and she wasn't going to spend it being a loner. Being an outsider wouldn't help her at all. She needed friends. And why not this girl, who seemed super nice?

"No, but I play field hockey," she answered. "Swimming is Emily's thing. I would be crazy to even try to swim for the Sharks here. She could out swim anyone here any day."

_Emily, swim. Spencer, hockey._ "Noted," Alison stated, even though she could care less about being on a swim team.

"Do you play any sports?" Spencer asked curiously.

"No," Alison answered. That was true, she'd never been interested in any sports.

"What grade are you in, by the way? You a senior?" Spencer asked curiously, and Alison tried not to smirk.

"Junior," she answered. "I'm almost seventeen."

"Oh cool, so you're in the same grade as me and my friends," Spencer admitted with a smile. Ali forced a smile back as they finally pulled into the school parking lot.

"Thanks again for the ride. I have to go grab my schedule," Alison said as they both got out of the car.

"You're welcome. See you around, Alison."

"Yeah, you too." Alison started inside to go find wherever she had to go to get her schedule.

Emily walked into the school building with a bit of a jump in her step. Today was the last swim practice before the Sharks' first big meet the following day, and she was feeling pumped. She wasn't worried at all, and she knew that she had to kick off junior year well.

"Hey, Em!" Hanna called, approaching the swimmer and causing her mind to get fuzzy. That's how it always was with Hanna.

"Hey, Han," she answered, a smile immediately appearing on her face. "How's your morning?"

"Ugh, not great," Hanna answered, shrugging. "Sean's a little bit mad at me again."

"Why?" Emily asked, furrowing her eyebrows a little bit.

"He's mad because I brought up the topic of 's-e-x' again," Hanna admitted, rolling her eyes. "It's so frustrating." Emily wasn't sure what to say, so she just gave Hanna a sympathetic look as she stopped at her locker. "I'll see you in English, Em."

"Yeah, see you," she said to Hanna as the blonde walked off. Staring after her for a second, Emily let out a sigh. Sometimes she wondered if anyone ever caught her staring at her best friend, and she hoped that no one did. That could mean the end of her friendships with all three of her friends. This town was all about what people thought of you, and if everyone found out that she was interested in any girl at all…

That was the problem, though, she wasn't sure that she was _interested_ in Hanna that way. And if she was, maybe Hanna was the one exception. After all, Emily had dated boys before. That was the norm anyway, and why should Emily be anything other than completely normal?

Chemistry was Emily's first class period, and she found herself being the first one into class, as usual. She went to the far back of the lab to the last lab table and set down her bag. She tried not to notice that everyone had someone to be lab partners with. It wasn't abnormal—the last person to the class was always with Emily. It wasn't surprising either, though, she wasn't popular or anything, and she didn't have friends in the class.

She found herself doodling mindlessly on the back of her chemistry notebook as she watched the entrance of the classroom. Then, suddenly, a girl she'd never seen before stepped into the classroom. She was standing tall on a pair of three inch heels. She looked completely confident and brave, which was surprising for someone new to the school, but her eyes gave away that she was nervous.

There were plenty of seats still open at this point, but the blonde's eyes fell on Emily and stuck there. Emily found herself surprised as the girl clicked her way across the entire classroom to her. "Can I sit with you?" she asked. Emily found herself nodding,

"Are you new?" Emily asked, watching the blonde sit down.

The blonde nodded. "Moved in on Saturday."

It finally registered to Emily. "Oh, Alison, right?" she asked, raising her eyebrows a little bit. Was this the girl who had just moved into the abandoned house on Spencer's street? And if so, Hanna wasn't going to be happy.

"Yeah," Alison answered, narrowing her eyes slightly.

Emily blinked, realizing that she was probably wondering how she'd known her name. "Sorry, my friend is your neighbor. Spencer. I'm Emily, by the way."

A look of understanding came over Alison's face, and she smiled a little bit. "Ah, okay."

Before either of them could talk again, their chemistry teacher began to talk, and they had to face the front again. Emily wasn't thinking about chemistry, though, she was thinking about Hanna. This Alison girl looked like someone who would threaten Hanna's position as It-Girl, but the fact that she'd approached Emily of all people showed that she wasn't the stereotypical, stylish, perfect blonde that she looked like.

Emily decided that she would let Hanna deal with that. If this new girl was going to voluntarily sit with her during chemistry, she wasn't going to complain.

Emily's next few classes were just as they always were. There were assigned seats in both of them, and she sat next to swimmers in both as well, which meant that she actually had a good time in those classes.

After Alison's first class, though, she found herself royally disappointed that Emily wasn't in her next couple of classes. If she was being totally honest, she was drawn to Emily as soon as she saw her, and she hadn't even known that it was Spencer's Emily.

People in her next two classes looked at her like she was some foreign object, and she felt incredibly self conscious. Over dressed. By the time lunch rolled around, she wasn't hungry. She felt sick.

Nevertheless, her heels clicked as she walked into the lunch room. Looks were thrown her way, and she tried to ignore them. She couldn't, though. Some of the looks displayed disgust, others fear. Alison took a shaky breath, crossing her arms tightly over her chest and trying to find some place to sit with her eyes.

Then she saw Emily sitting with Spencer and two other girls. One was a brunette, and she was small. She seemed all smiles from Alison's point of view. The fourth was a blonde who was all lip-glossed up. She was the only one who seemed just as dressed up as Alison was at the moment.

_It's a fresh start, Alison._

She pushed away her nerves and her insecurities and forced herself to take steps toward that table. Emily and Spencer both saw her coming, and they flashed her encouraging smiles. The other two exchanged looks with them, like they were trying to figure out who Alison was.

Alison stopped when she reached their table. "Uh, hi."

"Hi, Alison," Spencer said, smiling.

"Would it be totally outrageous if I sat with you guys?" Alison forced out.

Emily and Spencer looked between both of the other two girls, both of whom shrugged and shook their heads that it wouldn't be outrageous. Alison breathed out a sigh of relief and found herself sitting next to Emily.

"Thank you."

"You must be Alison," said the blonde, flashing Alison a smile.

"Yeah," she answered, smiling.

"I'm Hanna, this is Aria. I guess you've already met Spencer and Emily," Hanna said, giving Alison the impression that she was the middle of the group, or at least the most social of them all. Alison nodded her response. "How is your first day at Rosewood High treating you?"

"It could be better," Alison admitting, sitting up straighter. "But I've had worse days."

"Are you used to people bowing down to you?" Hanna asked, and Alison's eyes immediately narrowed. This girl was the one—the It-Girl. Alison wasn't after that position, but clearly, Hanna thought she was.

"Something like that," she said back.

"The people of Rosewood aren't so quick to do that," Hanna stated, and Alison bit down hard on the inside of her lip. It was girls like this that made her want to spring out witty insults to put them down into their place. But down there wasn't Hanna's place. Right now, it was Alison's.

"You'll have to give me some pointers," Alison suggested, and then she looked away from Hanna as she pulled her schedule out of her backpack. She knew that saying that to Hanna was the best thing she could've done at this point, because it acknowledged the fact that this was Hanna's school, not Alison's.

"Can I see your schedule?" Emily asked Alison as the other girls started talking about something else.

Alison's gaze rose to meet Emily's, and she slid her schedule sideways on the table toward Emily.

"You have English with me and Hanna next period," Emily stated. "And you have Algebra with Aria and Spencer last period."

"Good to know that I won't be sticking out like a sore thumb in those classes then," Alison stated as Emily slid her schedule back to her.

Emily's eyebrows furrowed. "What makes you stick out?"

Alison's eyes widened a little bit as she swallowed back a fear that suddenly overcame her ability to speak. "Um, I don't know. Nothing, I guess. I'm just the new girl, you know?"

Emily nodded that she understood, and then Hanna said something to her to draw her attention away from Alison.

As soon as Hanna said something to her, Emily practically forgot about Alison. Anything that Hanna ever said to her specifically she savored and treasured. That's how crushes worked, if this was really a crush anyway. She hated being so confused all of the time.

Lunch ended relatively quickly, and Hanna and Emily started off toward their lockers before English. Emily finally noticed that Alison hadn't joined them, and a frown appeared on her face. Had she made Alison feel unwelcome once she'd started to listen to Hanna instead of her?

She cursed herself for being so freakishly obsessed with Hanna. It was times like those that she realized the intensity of her problem. Whether she liked girls or not, this thing with Hanna was slowly eating her up, and soon she would be nothing. She had to figure out a way to stop it. She had no other choice.

Alison was seated in an empty seat in the back of the room when Hanna and Emily walked into the classroom. Hanna went and sat next to Mona—this was the only class that the two of them had together, so they always sat together. Emily never let that bother her, because she had two other classes with just Hanna, and they always sat together in those.

So Emily sat by Alison, who immediately looked to her. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Emily returned, smiling and taking out what she needed for English.

Alison found English class rather boring, and she spent a good portion of it glancing over at Emily. Something about her just drew her gaze toward her. It didn't take her long to realize what was happening, and as soon as she did, her stomach began to twist up inside of her. She looked away from Emily and squeezed her eyes closed. When she opened them, she felt her breathing become faster. She glanced at the time and saw that she had about ten more minutes of this class left. Ten minutes. That's all.

She glanced back at Emily and saw a strange look on the girl's face. A look that was probably exactly the same as some of the ones that Alison had accidentally sent toward her, only this one was pointed at Hanna. Upon further inspection, Alison had it figured out. She knew that she had sensed something about Emily. Something about Emily that was similar to something about Alison.

Emily had a huge crush on Hanna, one of her friends. It was so easy to Alison to tell because, well, Alison knew what having a crush looked like.

And suddenly, Alison hated Hanna even more than she had during lunch, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

It wasn't until after school that Alison saw Emily again. She was contemplating asking Spencer for a ride back to her house when she saw Emily walking home. Her head tilted slightly, and then Alison decided spontaneously that she was going to walk with Emily.

It didn't take long to catch up to her, and then Alison greeted her by asking, "Aren't you on the swim team? Shouldn't you be at practice?"

"Practice starts at four today," Emily answered. "I like to walk home and change first."

Alison nodded, and then she took a deep breath. She knew that she was about to cross a boundary here, and she knew that she was walking on a fine line as it was, but she had to say something. "So, you like Hanna?"

Emily's eyes widened by a tenfold as she looked at Alison. "What? Who told you that?"

"Nobody," Alison answered, her voice softening. Emily gave her a fearful look, and Alison frowned. "Don't be so freaked out. I'm observant."

"You're not going to tell her, are you?" Emily demanded. "I mean, I get if you don't like her or whatever, but that would be—"

"Horrible," Alison finished, her frown growing. She didn't like that. She didn't like that Emily assumed that she would do something like that. "I'm not going to tell Hanna."

Emily let out a sigh of relief, and then she averted her gaze from Alison's. She was embarrassed, to say the least, but Alison hadn't said one mean thing to her. What did that mean? Finally, she looked back up at the blonde. "Sorry. For assuming you would tell her."

"Don't worry about it," Alison answered, but Emily was already worrying about it.

"Where'd you move from? Must've been an open minded place," Emily commented.

"San Francisco," Alison admitted, a smile playing on her face at the slight irony. "Are you… sorry, never mind."

"Am I what?" Emily asked, and then a frown appeared on her face. "Oh. I don't know." She understood what Alison had wanted to ask. Was she gay? She didn't know.

"Well, don't think so hard. It's not a fine line," Alison stated, practically holding her breath as she spoke. Her nerves were everywhere, and she felt like she might throw up. That was something that didn't used to happen to her. It was something that had started to happen when she'd finally had real things to be nervous about. Now, though, it was a normal response to nervousness.

Emily flashed her a smile. "Thanks." Emily found this new girl intriguing. She couldn't really tell what it was about her, but something was just different. Refreshing. She didn't make Emily feel like an outcast. Even inside Emily's tight friend group, she always felt like the one who didn't belong. Maybe because she'd been the last one to join it, or maybe because she was the most different from the other girls.

But even though Alison seemed to be a lot different than her, she didn't think that they were. Something about her just felt… good.

They came up to Emily's street, and she flashed Alison a small smile. "This is my street. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure," Alison answered, smiling at Emily. "Bye."

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><p><strong>I'm sorry if it's all a bit confusing right now... But you guys know me, I like to build suspense before we get to the best stuff ;P I hope that this chapter was better than the first one... I hope it all makes sense (aside from the stuff that's not supposed to yet lol)<strong>

**Likeeee? Loveeeeeee? Hateeeeeeeeeee? Please let me know in a quick review, if you've got the time ;P I love to hear what you all have as feedback! Good or bad! What I'm doing right, what I'm doing wrong. It's the only way I'll get better!**

**Follow me on Twitter at BrittzandTana ! Tweet me that you read this, and I will FOLLOW YOU BACK! (if you're following me, of course :P)**

**Have a lovely Sunday, everyone!**

***side note: I will possibly update Our Beginning (HOLLSTEIN) today as well, but no promises***

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	3. Despite Herself, Despite Her

**A/N: Before anything happens: NO! THIS IS NOT A HANNILY FIC! This is tagged as an Emison fic, it clearly states "Emison Endgame" in the summary. THERE WILL BE NO HANNILY IN THIS FANFICTION. However, YES, at the beginning of this story, Emily is obsessed with Hanna. Shit happens, lol. I don't even ship Hannily, so don't worry loves.**

**Thank twitter user heyypieterse for me updating today ;P**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! 42 is a LOT to get over two chapters! Thank you all so much!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!**

**PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW! (50th reviewer gets a shoutout)**

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><p>Tuesday morning found Alison driving herself to school in her sleek, blue, BMW. Pulling into the school parking lot in it only made her feel a little self conscious, but the looks she got from it were definitely more of awe than disgust.<p>

But when she started into the school for her second day, her heels clicking loudly under her, her nerves came back. There was a time when attention made her feel good—made her feel like she had a sort of power. But a lot had changed since then, and now, attention sent off warning alarms in her mind. Attention was dangerous.

She didn't want anyone else to know that she knew that, though, because she didn't want to be the girl that drew attention to herself because she didn't want attention. If that even made sense. One might suggest that she tone down her wardrobe or her beauty work if she wanted to draw less attention, but frankly, she didn't want to change anymore than she already had through the past year or so, because that was already too much change for her.

Chemistry, first period, Emily. Alison had the slightest feeling that this was going to be her favorite class.

She walked into the classroom, seeing only a few other students already seated. Emily was one of them, sitting in the lab table furthest in the back, like yesterday. Trying not to be nervous, Alison approached her. "Why do you sit all the way back here?"

Emily looked up as Alison asked the question, looking slightly surprised as the blonde sat on the stool next to her. "Uh… I don't know. Less attention, I guess."

Alison nodded, because she understood.

"How was your first day yesterday?" Emily wondered, and Alison bit her lower lip.

"Awful," she admitted. "It's a pain in the ass to be the new girl." _It's a pain in the ass to be the new girl, when you're as insecure as I am._

Emily let out a small laugh of agreement. "I heard you're not doing too bad, though. Drove up in a BMW today."

"You _heard_ that?" Alison demanded, her heart rate picking up as her palms started to sweat.

Emily gave her a careful look, as if she noticed Alison's panicking. "Spencer saw you leave your house this morning before she left."

"Oh," Alison breathed out, relieved. For half of a second, it looked like Emily might question her about her moment of panic, but she seemed to decide not to. She searched her mind for something to say to Emily, and then something popped into her mind. "Does Hanna not like me, by the way?"

Emily's eyes narrowed slightly once Alison mentioned Hanna, but neither girl acknowledged that. "She's… threatened by you, I guess." Emily shrugged. "She thinks you're out to get her spot at the top of the school."

Alison tried not to sigh as she looked down at the lab table. "Oh, okay."

"Are you?" Emily asked, causing the blonde to look at her again. Honestly, Emily was really hoping that Alison wasn't, because if she was, she would obviously side with Hanna. That would mean losing this new girl who seemed to want to be her friend.

Alison shook her head immediately. "No."

"Really?" Emily asked, sounding suspicious. "You're wearing like four inch heels, and you drive a BMW."

"So, I have a sense of style and my family has money," Alison stated, shrugging. Lie. Her family didn't have a lot of money. As one family, they did, but now, with her parents separated…

"What do your parents do for a living?" Emily asked, seeming to want to move away from the topic of Hanna.

Alison tried not to feel extremely nervous, but it was hard. "My mom is a real estate agent. My dad owns a business."

"Here?" Emily asked, but Alison shook her head.

"Back in California," she admitted, shrugging.

"Oh," Emily answered. "Is it hard for him to run it from all the way out here?"

Alison raked through her mind for a lie, and it only took her a second to latch onto one. "He hasn't made it out here yet. He has to like… set up a team that can run the company without him having to be there. Like… he'll run it through phone call meetings and stuff like that…"

Emily nodded, and then asked, "So he doesn't live here yet?"

"No," Alison answered, and Emily noticed that she seemed a little nervous. "He doesn't. It's just me and my mom right now in the house."

"When is he supposed to get out here? I bet you miss him," Emily commented, frowning. The look on her face told Alison that she somehow could empathize with not having a father around.

"We don't know yet, but yeah, I do," Alison answered, feeling a little bad for lying to Emily. Eventually, she would tell her the truth, but not yet…

"Well, my dad's in the military. He's always away from home," Emily admitted, feeling slightly vulnerable as she spoke. "I only see him usually once a year or so. Right now he's deployed in Iraq."

Alison felt her heart crack at the thought of having her dad that far away all of the time. Sure, she didn't get along with either of her parents a lot of the time, her dad more so than her mom, but she couldn't imagine that. Being scared for his life every second of every day. "Oh wow. That must be really hard."

Emily shrugged. "It is. But he's coming back for a few weeks for Christmas in a couple months."

Alison smiled, and then the bell to start class rang out loudly, signaling the end of this discussion and the beginning of class.

Emily felt like there was something strange about Alison. She couldn't pinpoint it, though. Maybe it partly had to do with the fact that her confidence faded in and out about ten times in a conversation. Maybe also with the fact that she never once brought up the topic of Emily's secret that she already knew—that she was crushing hard on her best friend. Whatever it was, though, she was different.

Emily kind of liked it. Alison seemed to genuinely be interested in talking to her, even though they'd known each other for a meek two days. Alison didn't seem to realize that Emily was a loser, while she herself was a goddess.

The bell rang to end class forty-five minutes later, and Emily immediately got up and swung her backpack over her shoulder. "Are you going to sit with us at lunch again?" Emily asked Alison, honestly hoping that she was going to. It was nice to have a newer member of their friend group—if that's what Alison ended up being—because that meant that Emily was no longer the newest.

"If Hanna doesn't mind," Alison answered, biting her lower lip.

Emily smiled. "Don't worry, she won't." And then the brunette was heading out of the classroom. Alison let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Being around Emily made her feel less insecure, and yet more insecure, than normal at the same time. It was totally weird and made no sense, but that's how she felt. Feelings were always weird like that.

Lunchtime came faster than the previous day, and Alison found herself walking into the lunchroom as confidently as she could. She completely blocked out every person around her except for the group of girls she was going to sit with. Emily caught her eye as she approached and smiled. Alison couldn't help but return it with a smile of her own.

"Hey, there, Alison," Aria greeted as Alison approached.

"Hey," Alison answered. "Is it cool if I sit here again?"

"Of course," Hanna said, giving her a smile that made Alison feel completely uncomfortable and unwelcome. She sat down anyway, because these were the only people that she knew.

"How is your second day going so far?" Spencer wondered.

"Okay," Alison answered. "Not much better than yesterday."

"You have a really impressive car," Hanna said, smiling a thin, flat smile at the other blonde. Alison returned it with a similar smile.

"Thanks."

The tension at the table was palpable, and for a good few seconds, nobody spoke. Then, suddenly, Aria decided to talk. "Has anyone finished Romeo And Juliet, yet?"

The four friends immediately got into a discussion about the novel, which Alison had yet to purchase for her new English class. Alison just sat there, listening in, and feeling insignificant and unimportant. She ate the small lunch that she'd brought with her from home as the others talked, and then when she was done, it was time to go to class.

When she got there, Emily was already sitting down in the same spot as the day before, with an empty seat open next to her. Alison took a deep breath and took a seat next to her. "Hey," she greeted, smiling at the brunette, who smiled back.

"Hey. I'm sorry—" She glanced over at Hanna, "—about Hanna. I tried to talk to her but…"

"Don't worry about it," Alison insisted, smiling. "I can handle whatever she can throw at me."

Truth or lie? Alison wasn't even sure herself.

"She'll get used to you," Emily promised, smiling.

"You have a swim meet after school today, right?" Alison asked, changing the topic. Emily nodded shyly.

"Yeah. It's the first one of the year," she admitted. "Why? Are you going to come?"

"Maybe. I don't have anything else to do anyway," Alison said, smiling slyly. "I've never been to one, though. I don't know how they work."

"Well," Emily started, her expression changing to one of calculation, as if she was completely focused on giving Alison this explanation, "the two teams swim at once, and there really isn't a specific order that each team swims in, the coach decides it. But the anchor, that's the fastest swimmer on the team, swims last. And whichever team has the best total time wins."

"Are you the anchor here?" Alison wondered, getting a shy nod out of Emily. "Wow, impressive."

Emily smiled, shrugging slightly. "It's not that impressive. Anyway, I only beat a couple of the girls by a few seconds."

"A few seconds can save a meet, though, right? That's the point of the anchor, isn't it?" Alison asked. Emily blushed, and Alison felt her smile grow. "That's what I thought."

"Well, you should totally stop by. It starts at five," Emily said, smiling proudly. "And the girls will be there, too."

Alison held her smile in a still position, even though her stomach twisted at the thought of Hanna being there. Emily was probably really happy about having Hanna there, watching her swim and cheering her on. She probably didn't even really care whether or not Alison was there.

The end of the day came slowly for Emily, because she found herself being unnecessarily nervous for the swim meet. Since it was the first swim meet of the year, it made sense for her to be nervous. Unfortunately, her nerves were mostly focused on the fact that Hanna was coming to the meet to support her. The worst part was that she was bringing Sean along.

She was a little surprised that Alison wanted to come and see her swim, but Emily had already learned that Alison wasn't at all like she appeared. That, or she was some crazy ass manipulative psycho or something.

When the meet finally came, Emily found herself pacing back and forth in front of the pool and people started arriving and filling the bleachers of the natatorium. She saw Hanna waving at her enthusiastically from them, and Emily flashed her a grin in return, hoping that her blush wasn't obvious from such a distance. After the smile, though, she turned away from Hanna to get into her zone. She always had to look away from Hanna to do that. In fact, during every meet ever, she had to make sure that after initially smiling at her before the meet, she didn't glance toward her once throughout the whole thing. It would throw her off.

Something, though, made her glance toward the bleachers halfway through the meet, when one of the freshmen was cutting through the water for the Sharks. Her eyes, luckily, did not catch onto Hanna, though, but a different blonde. Alison. She was rushing in—late—and looked completely flustered. She caught Emily's eye, and smiled despite herself. Emily returned the smile, and then put her attention back toward the swimmers. It was getting close to her turn.

As she stood on the edge of the pool, watching the second to last Shark swim toward her, she let every thought and concern of her everyday life rush away. As soon as the senior touched the wall, Emily was in the water, her arms moving without her having to tell them to. She touched the opposite wall before she knew it, and she turned to launch herself back toward the start. And she made it—presumably with a great time, because the Rosewood stands broke out into crazy cheers. Emily felt a smile on her face as she pulled herself out of the water. Being in the pool was crazy, because she didn't have an internal clock that told her times, but somehow, she always went faster than everyone else.

The other team's anchor finished a good six seconds after her—probably because of one of the previous swimmers. After someone announced the Sharks as the winners, Emily approached the other team's anchor, shaking her hand and saying it was a good meet. She always did that, because winning didn't need to make her a snob.

Exiting the natatorium and entering the school hallway, Emily suddenly found herself swarmed by her friends. "You were so awesome out there, Em!" Aria exclaimed.

"Seriously, you kicked their asses!" Hanna agreed, a wide smile on her face. Emily couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face in response.

Alison saw Emily with Hanna and her friends, and her stomach twisted up inside of her. It led to her making the decision to just talk to Emily the following day, and she started out of the school.

Emily noticed, though, which was surprising to herself, considering that Hanna was standing right next to her. "Hey, I'll be right back."

She broke off from her friends and started after Alison. "Leaving already?" she called, once they were away from the crowd of people swarming the team.

Alison practically froze in place, and the she turned around, a half smile already on her face. "I guess not. You did really awesome.'

"Thanks," Emily said, smiling. "And thanks for coming. You really didn't have to take time out of your day for that."

Alison shrugged off the thanks, smiling instead. The next words she spoke with a happy tone, but she had to force them out like it was painful. "Hanna was cheering the loudest out of everyone."

Emily pushed some hair behind her ear. "Ah, yeah. She likes to do that."

Alison smiled. "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow." She only waited to see a nod from Emily before turning around and walking out of the school. As soon as she was out of sight, she picked up her pace and didn't stop moving until she was safely inside her BMW. She felt her fingers running through her thick hair and she squeezed her eyes closed. She hated this. Really, _hated_ it.

She sat in her car for a good ten minutes before she was calm enough to drive.

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><p><strong>Don't let Emily's crush on Hanna bother you lovelies, it isn't long lasting, I promise!<strong>

**Please drop me a quick review? Tweet me at BrittzandTana that you watched this, and I'll follow you back!**

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**So yeah :) Thanks for reading! Have a lovely night!**


	4. Some Of Them Want To Use You

**A/N: Sorry for the update delay! Had so much stuff to do last week, ugh!**

**I have a brief shoutout for FF user InLoveWithEmison - thanks for checking out my YouTube channel ;D Shoutout to you for being fabulous!**

**And I have another shoutout to give for review 50 of this story! So... drumroll... baddadadadadadada... user EsEm27 ! Thank you all for reviewing! I am blown away by the number of people who already love this fanfiction! I hope that I can continue to please you all with it!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!**

**PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW!**

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><p>Friday. Alison's last day of her first horrible week in this new school.<p>

Horrible was maybe a bit of an exaggeration, though, because not all of it was awful. She didn't mind Chemistry with Emily, and English wasn't all bad. Though, she had spent the last two days of it just watching Emily watch Hanna.

That was the source of most of Alison's anxiety—Hanna. She wasn't helping with the attention thing. No matter where Alison was in the school, someone was staring at her. It was incredibly bothersome. Hanna kept giving her those forced smiles that basically told her go to hell, and the only reason that Alison was still sitting with her at lunch was Emily.

Emily, the second main reason for her anxiety. While she loved spending time with her at school, it was driving her crazy. The feelings that were swarming inside her when she looked at her, or when Emily smiled at her. It killed her every time. And she hated it.

She hadn't talked much about anything to her mom, and she was glad that her mom hadn't asked about school much. Because if she did, Alison would have to tell the truth, and she wasn't in the mood for another heart to heart with her mom yet. Or ever again.

Friday, the last day of her first horrible week in this new school. And then she would have two days to readjust herself, and hopefully come up with a better game plan for the following week.

Alison drove herself to school and ignored all eyes on her as she entered Chemistry. It was the first time all week that she found herself here before Emily, but she still went to the normal lab table that she had begun to share with the brunette.

Emily finally came into the room, just before the bell rang. As she took her seat next to Alison, she huffed out an apology. "Sorry. I was halfway to school and realized that I left Hanna's charm bracelet at my house—she left it there yesterday—and had to turn back around to get it."

Alison quirked a teasing eyebrow up at Emily, who immediately understood what she was trying to say.

"Don't start," Emily muttered, shaking her head and clearly not in a great mood. Alison hadn't really directly said anything about Emily liking Hanna, not since Monday, but she kept doing little things like that. Quirking up an eyebrow or smirking. Mostly because she wanted to get Emily to talk about it. Though, she wasn't sure why she wanted that, because she knew that it would just make Alison feel worse about feeling the way she was feeling.

"Fine," Alison answered, turning to face the front of the classroom. It was slightly disappointing that even when they were allowed to talk during the class, Emily didn't say a single word to her.

They didn't even exchange any words as the bell rang. Emily just gathered up her things and walked right past her and out of the classroom.

There was once a time when Alison would have either marched after someone who did that, or just not cared at all, but that time was long since past. Now, Emily ignoring her and leaving abruptly like that had Alison feeling more insecure than normal. She found herself running her fingers through her hair as she gathered her things, and she forced her hands away from said hair.

Was Emily mad at her? For bringing up her and Hanna?

Suddenly feeling extremely guilty, Alison forced herself to walk normally to her next class.

Lunch was the same as it had been the past few days, except Emily didn't say anything to Alison the entire time. It did nothing to calm the twisting feeling in Alison's stomach, and she was pretty sure that she had officially ruined her chance at starting over here in Rosewood. Hanna hated her, and it seemed like now so did Emily.

English was the usual—Alison casting glances in Emily's direction and Emily staring nonstop at the back of Hanna's head. It was so predictable of Alison to get herself into feeling like this—considering how awful everything had been for her recently.

Alison considered trying to stop Emily before she could leave the classroom after English, but the girl was attached to Hanna and walking out before Alison could even make a decision.

Alison took in a deep breath as the end of the school finally came, the last bell ringing out. She actually liked the fact that when she exited out into the hallway, it was so crowded that everyone was basically the same person. So far, it felt like the only time of the day that she didn't feel like she stuck out.

After a quick stop at her locker, Alison made a beeline for the exit of the school, walking out into the parking lot and toward her car.

As she opened the door, about to slip into the driver's seat and pull out of this place for the weekend, she heard someone call her name. Turning her head, her eyes widened as she saw Emily rushing after her. "Hey," she forced out, raising an eyebrow at the brunette.

"Hey…" Emily took a quick breath. "Um, I needed to apologize. For ignoring you all day."

"Don't worry about it," Alison insisted, though the apology felt nice.

"No, seriously. You haven't done anything at all bad to me since you've moved here, and I already know that you're still not comfortable here, and I shouldn't have shoved you away like that. I just… it bothers me that… that you know about me… _liking_ Hanna," Emily admitted.

"Emily, I'm not going to tell anyone," Alison promised.

"Why not?" Emily demanded. "You don't even know me. And don't you want to be at the top of the social pyramid?"

"No." Alison's expression and tone were dead serious, and it caught Emily off guard a little bit, causing her to hesitate before saying anything else.

"You—"

"Emily, you have the right to control who knows about you. Yes, I noticed it, and I know that's slightly unfair to you. But I couldn't help it, and I won't tell anyone. Okay? I'm not a bitch," Alison stated, her voice firm. Truth? Lie?

Emily blinked. "I didn't say that you—"

"No, but you think it's true," Alison interrupted. "Because I stand all tall and confident."

"I don't think you're overconfident," Emily argued. "Actually, I think that you're really insecure."

Suddenly, Alison's stomach dropped, and she felt like throwing up. She wanted to wring her hands together and run her fingers through her hair and tap them against something at an insane speed. She wanted to hide in a bathroom and hold in tears and lean over a toilet in case she vomited. But she didn't do any of those things. "I'm not insecure." Lie. Lie. Big lie.

Emily raised both of her eyebrows. "Please, Alison. It's not hard to see."

"I… I need to go home, Emily," Alison stated, turning and tossing her backpack into the back seat of her car.

"Wait," Emily interrupted. "I didn't come over here to talk about you."

"So what do you want?" Alison asked, perhaps a little more annoyed than she intended. She didn't want to be rude to Emily, but the fact was that the feelings she had toward Emily combined with the fact that Emily had just admitted to seeing Alison's insecurity had Alison pretty much panicking.

"I wanted to say that even though it scares me that you know about me liking Hanna… you do. And you're the only one who does. And I… I don't have anybody to talk to. I couldn't talk to Spencer or Aria about this, because they've been friends with Hanna for years longer than me. I'm the outcast of my friend group, Alison. And I… I think you're really cool, considering that you sit next to me willingly and you're nice to me… and I wanted to hang out with you," Emily admitted, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "I don't have practice today. Do you want to come over?"

Alison's eyes dragged over Emily hesitantly. She felt like she'd just been friend zoned, but she knew that Emily hadn't done it intentionally. Emily didn't even know that Alison felt any other way toward her. Plus, she didn't want to leave Emily with no one to talk to.

Finally, Alison managed a weak nod. "Do you want me to drive? You usually walk to school, right?"

Emily smiled, nodding. "Yes, that would be great. I'll give you the address."

Emily walked around the car, sliding into the passenger seat. Alison, meanwhile, took a deep breath to calm herself down, before getting into the driver's seat and looking at the address that Emily had on her phone.

It didn't take long for them to pull up to Emily's house, after a drive of only small conversation. They talked about an English assignment for most of the time, but once they arrived at Emily's house, Alison had a feeling that was about to stop.

Emily unlocked the door and walked into her house, Alison in tow. "My mom isn't home. She works at the police station, and she usually works late." Alison nodded in response. "We can go upstairs—unless you're hungry or something."

"I'm fine," Alison answered, knowing that if she tried to eat anything right now, it would possibly just come right back up. She hated being so nervous. "Thanks."

Emily flashed her a smile and led her up the stairs and down a hallway to a bedroom that Alison knew was Emily's without a doubt. It was a cute little space, with a nice, full sized bed, a couple of bookshelves, a little window seat, and a desk. She had things pinned up on her walls, and jewelry boxes and little trinkets covering her shelves.

"Nice room," Alison commented, looking around it. Her eyes caught on a corkboard covered in photos. Most of them were of Emily and her friends, and a couple of them were just Emily and Hanna. "Cute pictures."

"Thanks," Emily replied. "Do you like it in Rosewood so far?"

She seated herself on her bed, and Alison found herself glancing around and wondering where she should be sitting. "Um, I guess. It's a lot different from San Francisco." Emily was looking over her carefully.

"Yeah," Emily agreed. "Do you miss your friends?"

Alison felt her throat tighten. "Yeah, I guess." Lie.

"Do you still talk to them?" Emily seemed to just be full of questions.

"Ah, not really," Alison admitted. "But, it's for the best, so." Emily nodded slowly, and that's when Alison realized that she was only asking questions to avoid the topic that she wanted to discuss. It occurred to Alison that the only reason that Emily had invited her here was because she was the only person who Emily could talk to about Hanna. It was almost like Emily was using her.

She tried not to let it bother her.

"So, do you want to talk about Hanna?" she asked instead, forcing herself to stay calm as she sat down on Emily's bed, about a foot away from the other girl.

Emily's cheeks tinged slightly pink as she nodded. "I just… need to talk about it to somebody."

"I understand," Alison stated, nodding. "How long have you liked her?"

"I don't even know if I do," Emily rushed to start, and Alison made note—Emily was in the denial phase. Great. Wonderful. "I mean, it's weird. I date _boys_. I _kiss_ boys. I don't like _girls_."

Alison gave Emily a sympathetic smile.

"I just… I'm really confused I guess. I don't _want _to like her like that. I don't want to like _any_ girl like that. I want to be normal. I've always been just normal, and I don't want to be different," Emily admitted.

"I know it's cliché, but there's nothing wrong with being different," Alison stated.

"That's easy for you to say. You lived in a place where it's great to be different. Rosewood isn't that place," Emily muttered. Alison bit the inside of her cheek, because sure, San Francisco was that place. But that didn't stop all of the shit that went down before Alison left.

"You know, Emily, sometimes, it doesn't matter who you _want _to be. Some things are just wired into who we are. We can't change them. Like how you're a swimmer and I suck at all sports ever," Alison stated, smiling fondly at the brunette.

Emily managed a smile, and Alison's smile grew from knowing that she'd helped Emily feel a little better.

"And you might be right—maybe you _don't _like girls. But the worst thing you can do to yourself is convince yourself that it would be so horrible, that you don't let yourself admit who you really are. If that is who you really are," Alison stated.

Emily shrugged weakly. "How are you so good at talking about this? Are you secretly a life coach?"

Alison ran her fingers through her hair, but she hoped that Emily didn't realize that it was a nervous impulse. "Let's just say I have an idea of what you're going through."

"Yeah? Did you help another embarrassingly confused girl back in California?" Emily teased, now smiling completely normally. That in turn made Alison smile.

"Yeah," she answered, "something like that."

Suddenly, Emily's phone went off and she looked down to check it. Her eyes widened slightly as it rang, and she opened her mouth as if to say something.

"Is it Hanna?" Alison questioned. Emily nodded shyly, picking up her phone and looking between Alison and the phone as if she was scared to answer it. "Do you want my advice Emily? Hanna's straight. And if you aren't, and if you actually like her, I would focus on trying to get past it." Emily tilted her head slightly, and Alison could tell that she was trying to listen despite her clear nerves about not having answered the phone yet. "What I mean is, you don't have to pick it up. You don't have to feel obligated to."

_Don't pick it up. Don't pick it up._

Sure, Alison's motives were slightly selfish, but if Emily did turn out to be gay—which Alison was ninety-nine percent sure that she was—then the sooner she got over Hanna the better.

Then, Alison could actually have a shot.

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><p><strong>Now, if anyone reviews on this asking if this is a Hannily fic, I might explode. Like seriously. My brain will implode on itself and then I will spontaneously combust. Don't support spontaneous combustion - don't ask me if this is a Hannily fic. Because it's Emison. Okay. Emison.<strong>

**Now that that is done!**

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**Let's see how many chapters can get WAYF flying up to 100 reviews? Let's see if we can get this story even higher than CYSM? :P**

**And now, it's time for Tana's Random Talking Time (which I just named and haven't done in a while)...**

**I have this English assignment to write a persuasive paper on an important issue, and then give it as speech. I have like a month to do it, but we are picking our topics tomorrow. I have to get to my English class like really fast so I can make sure that I get the one I want, which is the issue of whether or not to legalize gay marriage (which obviously, yes legalize that shit!)... and I basically told everyone in my class on Friday "If anyone tries to take this topic from me, I will die. Seriously. It's my topic." lol and obviously every straight person that supports gay marriage is amazing, but please let me have this topic because I'm gay as shit! xP Anyway, my English teacher told us to become familiar with the topic that we want, so I found like a billion different articles/things to talk about in my paper, and I'm so ready for this shit.**

**And so wish me luck getting to my English class as fast as possible tomorrow. Because if someone takes this topic before me, I literally have no backup plan.**

**Random talking time over! Have a lovely night babes! Please review!**


	5. Deafening Silence

**A/N: Hey guys! Great news! I just pushed out of my funk today (which will probably return tomorrow because I didn't go to school today and tomorrow I'm going back and yeah), and I stayed home and relaxed because I was sick last night but felt better after 10 hours of sleep. Then I got a fabulous haircut, and I feel freer and I was like, what should I do with this energy? DUH! Write fanfic! I'm a little behind where I want to be with this story, but I'm still at least 3 chapters ahead so that's okay :)**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!**

**PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW!**

**(Sidenote - WOW! That's a lot of reviews! Thank you all so much!)**

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><p>Gears were turning everywhere in Emily's head, and just before her phone should have sent Alison to voicemail, she gave into herself and answered the call. She said, "Hey," into the phone as she avoided Alison's slightly disappointed expression.<p>

"Hey, sorry, did I interrupt something?" Hanna asked.

"No, it just took me a minute to find my phone," Emily lied.

"Oh okay," Hanna responded. "Can you come over? My mom isn't home yet and I'm _so_ bored. Plus, you just sort of disappeared after school. Usually you hang out with one of us on Fridays when you don't have practice."

"Yeah, sorry, I had to run home," Emily said, biting her lip, because she could feel Alison's eyes on her. "I'll come over in a few."

"Awesome!" The line ended, and Emily dropped her phone into her lap.

When she looked up to see Alison just carefully watching her, she huffed. "What?"

"Nothing," Alison replied, her voice quiet. "I'll go. Have fun with Hanna."

"Hey, Alison," Emily said, before the blonde could get off the bed, "thanks. For talking to me."

"Don't thank me until you work out who you are and how you feel," Alison objected, giving her a soft smile. She got up from the bed and started for the exit to Emily's room.

"Alison?" Alison froze and looked back at the brunette. "I'm sorry I called you out for being insecure earlier."

Normally, for anything else, Alison would have answered with a "Don't worry about it" or "It's no problem", but honestly, it was sort of a problem. She was insecure, and she wasn't ready to talk about it. So she just said, "Thanks," and then left.

Fifteen minutes later found Emily sprawled across Hanna's bed, tapping away on her phone and trying not to feel overly tense about the fact that Hanna was just sitting at her desk, also doing something on her phone. Emily hated initiating conversation with Hanna, because she always felt like she would say the wrong thing. Leave it to her to be so weird.

"So!" Hanna finally exclaimed, setting her phone down on the her desk. "What were you doing before I called you?"

"I told you, I had to go home," Emily answered.

"Yeah, but your phone is always right next to you, which means you lied about having to look for it. You couldn't have been home for long anyway—you would've had to have driven home," Hanna reasoned.

"I got a ride," Emily stated.

"From Spencer?" Hanna wondered. Emily was really confused as to why Hanna cared.

"Alison," Emily finally admitted, looking back down at her phone.

And then it clicked, because Hanna must have been expecting that. She huffed. "Great, now she's trying to steal my friends."

"What are you talking about?" Emily asked.

"Alison," Hanna answered as if it were an incredulous question.

"No, I know," Emily argued, sitting up straight on Hanna's bed. "I mean, why would she be trying to _steal_ your friends?"

"I don't trust her when she says that she doesn't care about being the it-girl at school. I think she's trying to sneak under everyone's noses and steal it right out from under me," Hanna answered, flipping some of her hair over her shoulder. "I mean, think about it. She acts all shy and stuff, but she hangs out with _me._"

"Actually, Han," Emily interrupted, "she hangs out with _me_, and I hang out with you."

Hanna narrowed her eyes.

"I'm just saying. I've asked her about it, multiple times, and I don't think she's trying to steal anything from you," Emily stated.

"Whatever, I don't trust her," Hanna muttered. "She dresses too much like a fucking model and she's from _California_. She _has_ to think that she's better than us."

Emily just shrugged, thinking back to when Alison had been giving her advice. She didn't see anything in Alison that Hanna saw. "Can we just… talk about something else?"

"Why? Are you guys _actually_ friends now?" Hanna asked.

"I don't know. She's cool, Hanna," Emily stated, trying not to roll her eyes. "Come on, can we go see a movie or something?"

Hanna hesitated, before shrugging. "Sure."

Alison walked into her house, hoping that her mom was staying late at work. She technically got off early on Fridays, but she tended to stay late.

No such luck, though. "Alison! Can we talk?"

"Um, I have homework," Alison called back, starting up the stairs.

"Alison," her mother said again, walking into the foyer. "Please. We need to talk."

Alison let out a huff of air and followed her mom into their living room. They both sat down on opposite ends of the couch, and the younger blonde waited for her mom to start their conversation.

"How was your first week at school? We haven't talked much," her mom started.

"Fine," Alison answered.

"Seriously, Alison. This is important."

"It was fine. Not good, not bad. I met some cool people, some bad people," Alison expanded slightly.

"Has anyone given you a hard time?" Jessica looked pointedly at her daughter.

"Nope."

"Alison."

"Mom, everyone is put off by the new girl. I will be completely fine," Alison insisted.

Jessica hesitated, but then said, "I spoke to your father—"

"About _me_?" Alison demanded. "Did the _last_ time you did that not remind you that it's a bad idea to talk to him about anything serious?"

Jessica narrowed her eyes at Alison, telling her to stop interrupting through only a look. "Things between your father and myself were not ended just because of what happened, Alison. He is concerned about your wellbeing. And when I told him about some things I've been noticing in your behavior even since we moved… he suggested something that I actually really agree with."

"What?" Alison demanded.

"We want you to see a therapist."

Alison's eyes bugged and she shook her head. "No, mom, I'm fine. I don't need to see _anyone_."

"This isn't a choice, Alison. We think that you will really benefit from it," Jessica insisted. "There's an appointment for you in Philadelphia in a couple of hours. This is just one therapist, and if you don't like her, there are plenty others we can try."

"Do we even have money for a therapist?" Alison asked, desperately trying to think of anything to say that could stop this.

"Your dad is paying for it," her mom answered. "You need to leave in an hour if you want to make it to the appointment on time. I'll text you the address before you leave."

Alison glared at her mom, who just stood up and walked out of the living room. "There is _no_ way that I'm going to see any shrink!"

Two hours later, however, found Alison seated in a waiting room of a small office building. Her foot was tapping slightly, but she wasn't extremely nervous. Despite how much she despised the idea of a therapist, there was something slightly comforting about the idea of having a person to talk to. Especially when that person was bound by the law to not repeat what you say to anyone else.

"Miss DiLaurentis?" a woman in a business suit called, opening a door on the side of the waiting room. Alison stood and followed the woman into the office. It was nice a spacious, with some shelves on the walls and a desk in one corner. In the center of the room, though, was a big couch sitting across from a worn looking chair. "Please, have a seat. My name is Kat Wilson."

"Nice to meet you," Alison said quietly, sitting on the couch.

"So, Alison, your father did not tell me all of your story. He said that your mother thinks it would be better for _you_ to tell me," Kat said softly, sitting in her chair.

"I'm not telling you anything," Alison insisted, shaking her head.

Kat nodded, as if that was exactly what she was expecting to hear. "Okay, maybe we should start with why you don't want to talk about it. You have some social anxiety, is that right?"

"Sure, but not right now," Alison argued, shaking her head. "That's not why."

"Why not right now?"

Alison huffed, because this is why she hated therapists. They always had some way to wiggle around enough to get what they really want to know, making you think you were actually avoiding the big stuff. "Adults don't make me nervous."

"But your peers do?"

Alison shrugged.

"How have you adjusted to your new school so far? You just moved here earlier this week, am I right? Was the move hard for you?" Kat wondered.

"My new school is fine," Alison stated. "Better than my old school anyway."

"And why is that?"

"Don't want to talk about it."

Kat raised a careful eyebrow, and jotted something down in her notes. Alison hated that therapists did that, too. "Okay, so the move. Was it hard?"

Alison shrugged.

Kat let out a bit of air, adjusting herself in her chair. "Alison, how would _you_ like to start this? I don't want to push you to talk about anything you don't want to, so tell me what you want to tell me."

"I don't have anything to tell you," Alison said. "I don't even want to be here."

"I doubt that," Kat argued. "If you didn't want to be here, you wouldn't be here. I know how teenagers work."

"Maybe, but you clearly don't know how moms work," Alison argued.

"So your mom made you come, but you drove yourself, right? You didn't have to come at all if you didn't really want to," Kat pointed out. Alison let out a small sigh, because who knows? Maybe part of her really did want to come here. But that didn't mean she wanted to spill out her life story. "So what do you want to say to me, Alison?"

Alison didn't say anything for a minute, searching her mind to see if there actually _was_ something she wanted to say.

But she couldn't think of anything.

And that's how they spent most all of the session sitting quietly, completely unspeaking.

When Alison got back home later that evening, her mom was immediately all over her. "How was Dr. Wilson?"

"She's fine," Alison muttered. "But I'm not going back to therapy. We literally sat there, not even talking, for fifty minutes."

"She told your father that it's normal to not talk at all for the first few sessions. You have to get comfortable with your therapist. Which is why you are going back to therapy. Next Friday. Get excited," Jessica added the last part as if trying to sound humorous, but Alison just glared at her and stormed up to her room.

As if Alison didn't need one more thing to add to her list of insecurities.

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><p><strong>So, I apologize for this being so late. Also, don't hate me for not putting much Emison in this chapter... The following chapters will slowly increase the amount of Emison. :) Get excited ;P<strong>

**Sooooo I hope you liked this update! I'm a little insecure about this fic, if only because it's so different from my normal fanfiction. I'm worried about not doing the whole thing justice. I have big plans, and I want everything to work out perfectly. :D So please drop me a review? Or a PM? Also, if you follow me on Twitter at BrittzandTana and then tweet me that you read this, I'll follow you back! Woohoo!**

**Have a lovely night everyone! 100th reviewer gets a shoutout, don't forget ;D Please review!**


	6. Glimpse Into My Past

**A/N: Hey lovelies! Firstly, one big apology for taking forever to update! I'm running a little behind - between stuff for school and then my personal life... it's just been crazy! It should be lightening up some after this weekend though, which is good for you all! **

**On the bright side, I get to give out a shoutout today! :D My 100th reviewer was... dadadadadada... User DiWeasley ! Thank you for reviewing! In fact, thank you ALL for reviewing! You all are my everything! *hearts***

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!**

**PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW!**

**This is a big chapter. Prepare yourself.**

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><p>Monday. A new day. A new week. Alison hadn't spoken to Emily all weekend, since neither of them had the other's number and Alison wasn't even sure if they were really friends. She knew that Emily was probably only talking to her because she knew about her liking Hanna, so she wasn't sure how real this friendship thing was supposed to be.<p>

She tried really hard not to let that bother her, but it was pretty impossible considering the crush that Alison already felt clearly forming for the brunette.

Alison arrived to first period a few minutes before the first bell, and Emily was already sitting at their lab table, scribbling something down on her paper. "Hey," she forced out as she sat next to her. "How was your weekend?"

"Okay," Emily answered, smiling at Alison as she sat down. "Yours?"

Alison shrugged. She spent most of it just reading Romeo and Juliet for her new English class here. "Nothing special." Truth. When she hadn't been reading the book, she had been finishing the last bit of organizing her room needed. The only part of her weekend that had been anything other than ordinary was the shrink she had to go see on Friday, and she was trying her best not to think about that at all.

"Well, are you busy this afternoon?" Emily asked, looking hopeful. "I thought we could hang out."

"You don't want to hang out with your friends?" Alison asked, slightly suspicious.

"They all have separate plans tonight," Emily admitted. "So, are you free?"

"Yeah, I guess," Alison answered.

"I can come to your place if you want. I know where it is," Emily stated.

Alison found herself shaking her head possibly a little too insistently. "Um, I'd rather come over to your place." _Because if you come to my place, my mother will drill me about you and try to figure out who you are and what impact you're going to have on me._

"Alright. I'll be home from practice at four," Emily said, and Alison nodded.

The day went much better than the days of the previous week. It seemed like most people had gotten over the fact that there was a weird new girl at school, and Alison was more than a little happy over that. It was starting to feel slightly more comfortable being here.

Lunch, though, was worse. She caught Hanna glaring at her more than once, and Alison found herself spending most of lunch trying to think of what she'd done to make Hanna hate her so much. Emily seemed to notice the tension between the two blondes, but she didn't say anything about it. Of course she wouldn't, because Hanna had her whipped and Alison meant hardly anything to Emily.

And English, true to tradition, was spent exactly the same. A pair of brown eyes staring at a blonde head, and a pair of blue eyes constantly glancing over a brunette head.

Alison opted not to go home after school. Instead, she just drove around town, getting a look at all of the little stores and restaurants. She hadn't been out at all, except to come to school, since she'd gotten to Rosewood.

When the time was nearing four, Alison turned her car back toward the residential areas of Rosewood and navigated her way to Emily's house. She had definitely not forgotten its location over the past few days.

She took a shaky breath as she got out of her car and started up to the front door of Emily's house. She knocked twice of the door, practically holding her breath, and Emily swung it open a few seconds later. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," Alison returned, stepping into Emily's house as the brunette stepped back. "How was swim?"

"Annoying," Emily answered. "Everyone is freaking out, because there's a scout coming to our next meet."

"That's good, though, right?" Alison asked.

"Well yes. For me and a couple of other girls," Emily answered. "The rest of the team is desperately trying to get their times down, and it was just really annoying. It's not going to happen."

"You're awfully confident," Alison mused.

"I have reason to be," Emily said, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm the best swimmer on that team."

"Just don't get cocky," Alison advised. "Something will always come back and hit you if you get cocky."

"Speaking from experience?" Emily wondered, raising an eyebrow.

Alison's heart suddenly skipped a beat, and her palms started sweating, and she wasn't sure how much of it was caused by the panic Emily's words had just called, and how much was caused by the fact that Emily's raised eyebrow was super sexy. Alison found herself just shrugging. "Um, can I use your bathroom?"

Emily led her upstairs and pointed her to the bathroom, where Alison immediately locked herself in and stared at herself in the mirror. Calming herself.

"Alison, are you okay?" Emily called through the door.

"Fine," Alison forced out, before rolling out her shoulders and taking a deep breath. She unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. Emily was standing next to her bedroom door, looking at her with worried eyes.

"You didn't go to the bathroom. Did I say something?" Emily asked, still looking concerned.

"I'm fine," Alison insisted.

"And I don't believe you," Emily argued. "You can talk to me if you want, you know? I won't tell anyone anything. I mean, the least I could do for you is to return the favor you're doing for me by not exposing me to the world."

"I don't want to talk about it," Alison insisted, stepping past Emily and walking into the other girl's room. It looked exactly the same as it had Friday. _Obviously, Alison._

"Seriously, Alison. Did I say something? Did I do something?" Emily demanded. "Look, you're insecure, and I guess you don't want people to notice. But if I don't know what triggers your insecurities, how can I keep from messing up like I just did?"

"You didn't do anything," Alison argued, shaking her head.

"Well clearly, something made you freak out," Emily insisted.

"_Everything_ makes me freak out, Emily," Alison snapped. "Okay? I have all sorts of problems that you don't want to know about. You wouldn't ever look at me the same, and I came here to get away from all of it."

Emily's face suddenly softened. "You obviously haven't gotten away from all of it, if it's all still with you."

Alison swallowed thickly and ran her fingers through her hair. Her mouth was dry, her throat tight. She didn't like this. She was being put on the spot, being asked to share something that she didn't want anyone to ever know. "It's really complicated, Emily."

"You don't have to tell me all of it. Or any of it, really. I just think… you _look_ like you need to talk to someone," Emily insisted. "Were you freaking out because of what I said about you speaking from experience? Did you get cocky?"

Alison swallowed the non existent liquid in her mouth. "Yes."

Emily's eyebrows rose instantly. "What happened?"

"Shit happened," Alison answered. "Lots of it."

"That's all I get?" Emily asked, sounding slightly disappointed. Alison watched the brunette carefully. Just because she was crushing on Emily didn't make her suddenly trust her wholeheartedly. But for some reason, she did have the sudden urge to tell her more. Maybe not all, but more.

"My dad isn't coming to Rosewood," Alison decided to say, even though it was probably the least relevant information to tell Emily. But it was the truth. Emily's eyes widened slightly at the sudden confession. "He and my mom got a divorce, and me and my mom came here because this is where she lived when she was a teenager."

"I'm sorry," Emily apologized.

Alison shrugged, stepping toward Emily's bed and sitting down, because if she was going to talk about shit, she needed to be sitting. Emily probably needed to be sitting, too. "My mom said it wasn't all because of me, but it mostly was."

"How?" Emily asked, sitting next to her on the bed.

"I was like Hanna at my old school," Alison stated. "But… worse. Way worse. I was _such_ a _bitch_. You would have _hated_ me. I mean, _everyone_ did. Of course it never bothered me, because I had power and I loved it," Alison admitted. "I was like an empress, ruling over every person at that school."

"Wow," Emily muttered. "What happened?"

"I didn't just get cocky, I was always cocky. Nothing could touch me in my world. Everyone thought I was a perfect bitch. I wasn't insecure, I wasn't always scared of doing the wrong thing," Alison breathed out, before taking in a shaky breath in order to continue. "I wrote a lot of stuff down back then. I don't anymore, I've learned. But… I was… I am… it doesn't matter, but… I wrote down some stuff about myself that would draw negative attention if someone found out."

"And someone did?" Emily asked, her voice small.

"Rose Williams," Alison stated. "Sophomore—like I was. She'd known me since I was in fifth grade, when I was mini-bitch-Alison. She wasn't ever too high on my list of people to put in their places, but she still hated me, like everyone else. She found my journal, read the whole thing, made however many copies of the worst parts, and basically destroyed me. Think of the burn book, and make it all about me."

Emily didn't even say anything, and Alison figured she was pretty shocked.

"And for at least a month, I watched everybody turn against me. And it wasn't like the stares and laughs and snickers bothered me, because they didn't really. It was the serious bullying. Stuff that _I _hardly even did when I was in power. People found me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and they were pretty serious about destroying me," Alison explained, her voice cracking slightly. "I got really depressed, and that's when my mom finally realized that something was going on. She forced me to tell her what was going on, and she immediately took it to my dad. They started fighting a lot, for days, and I just sank down even more into my depression. It got _really_ bad, Emily."

Emily met Alison's eyes, and she was slightly shocked to see the vulnerability in those blue eyes. Yes, she'd noticed the insecurities and the nervousness, but this girl was now telling her _everything_. Emily knew that she didn't deserve to know this much, especially not after knowing Alison for only a week. And for some reason, she was hearing it all anyway.

"Sophomore year ended, and we thought it would stop. But it didn't. At that point, my parents were already in the midst of their divorce, and after my mom got full custody… we left. This was supposed to be a fresh start," Alison admitted.

"I'm sorry," Emily apologized. "Did my asking you about it mess up your fresh start?"

"No," Alison answered. "I messed it up. Because I was an idiot to think that I could just start over. I'm not depressed anymore, Emily, but I'm still affected by those people every day. And I'm always afraid of people hating me, and I _hate_ attention. And I was so happy today because people finally stopped staring at me, but Hanna still _hates_ me and I can't figure out why and I'm just—"

"Hey, calm down," Emily interrupted, suddenly placing her hand on Alison's shoulders. "I'll tell you why Hanna doesn't like you."

Alison looked at Emily warily.

"She's a little mad at me, too," Emily said, giving Alison a sad smile. "She thinks you're trying to _steal_ me away from her friend group. She thinks it's beginning of Alison domination."

Alison let out a deep sigh. "This sucks." She started tapping her pointer finger against her knee. She avoided Emily's eyes, focusing on her rapidly moving finger instead. And then she froze as Emily's hand rested on Alison's, stilling the nervous impulse. Alison looked up at Emily, and their eyes locked.

Alison knew what she wanted, but she wasn't going to do anything, because Emily liked Hanna. And that was that.

At least, she thought that was all there was to it, until Emily closed the space between them with a kiss.

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><p><strong>"TANA! ALL OF THAT STUFF ABOUT ALISON'S PAST AND THEN EMILY KISSES HER AND YOU JUST LEAVE US HANGING? THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? LEMME JUST GO CRY OF HAPPINESSSADNESS."**

**Now, don't get your panties in to much of a twist ;)**

**I know it wasn't too long, but you should all be quite pleased. You all have been bugging me about this being a Hannily fanfic (WHICH IT IS NOT), so there you go! And a cliff hanger, don't you love me? :D ;P Please let me know your thoughts in a quick review! Also, follow me on Twitter at BrittzandTana ! Tweet me that you read this and I'll follow you back! :D**

**Have a lovely night my loves! Please review c:**


	7. Losing My Mind

**A/N: I apologize for the long wait, and I cannot make promises as to when the next update will be. I am a little behind in what feels like everything, but I will try to get better. Anyway :)**

**Sorry for the cliffhanger :) Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!**

**PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW!**

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><p>Alison was a little more than shocked at feeling Emily's lips on her own, but she immediately kissed Emily back, because she was selfish, and scared, and Emily had kissed her. And she wanted Emily to know that it was okay to do that.<p>

Emily pulled away a couple of seconds later, obviously shocked by her own actions. "I'm sorry… I don't know why I…"

Alison just kept her eyes on Emily carefully. Emily pulled her hand away and instead ran her fingers through her hair. Nervousness. "Don't worry about it," Alison insisted.

"Did you… did you kiss me back?" Emily asked, her eyes wide as she seemed to realize that Alison had. Alison just shrugged, though, because her heart was racing and she felt her throat tightening again. There's no way that Emily liked her like that—Emily liked Hanna. It was probably just the heat of the moment anyway. "Alison… are you gay?"

Now, Alison felt like she was going to throw up. She wasn't ashamed of who she was, and she knew that Emily wasn't going to judge her, but she hadn't even told her mother that she was interested in her same sex.

Emily must have noticed her reaction. "Was that one of the things that the people at your old school found out about?"

Alison glanced upward with her eyes, because now she felt like she was going to cry. "Um, yeah."

"I'm sorry. I keep making you upset," Emily said quietly.

Alison shook her head. "No, you're not. I just… aside from the people at that school, nobody knows. I haven't told either of my parents. They keep talking about me, even now that they're divorced, and the last thing I need is them fighting about _that_."

"Why didn't you tell _me_?" Emily asked. "You _know_ that I would never tell anyone."

Alison's eyes finally fell back on the brunette, and her face softened slightly. "Come on, Emily. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why I didn't tell you."

Emily blinked, looking slightly confused. Then, it seemed to dawn on her, and Alison averted her eyes. She stared at her lap and tried with all of her willpower not to wring her hands together. She felt Emily's eyes on her, and she hated it. "Oh…" Emily breathed out.

Alison shook her head. "I'm sorry. I should… I should leave."

"Wait," Emily said, before Alison could even move. "I… I would be lying if I told you that I didn't like you at all. I mean, I did just kiss you."

"Okay, but you would also be lying if you said that you didn't like Hanna still, with all of your being. Because you do. You stare at her as if she's the only girl in the entire world," Alison admitted weakly. "She has you wrapped around her finger, too."

"No, she doesn't," Emily argued.

"Please, Emily. You would do anything for her," Alison insisted. "I like you, Emily, but I don't want to start something while you're practically in love with somebody else."

"I feel different," Emily said, not acknowledging what Alison had just said, "when I'm with you. I don't feel small. I do like Hanna, at least a little, but it's like I already feel it going away. I mean, I argued with Hanna on Friday about you. She was so sure that you were trying to sabotage her and steal her friends… and I _defended_ you. If I was really as whipped as you think I am, I wouldn't have even spoken to you today."

"It doesn't matter, Emily," Alison insisted. "You like her, period. And you can't pretend that you don't, and I can't pretend that I don't notice. Because even if it is going away, you spent all of English staring at the back of her head, like every day. And, like every day, you didn't notice when I practically stared at you throughout the whole class."

Emily blinked, as if she was surprised that Alison had noticed that.

"So maybe once you get over her," Alison said. "But I don't want to be in a one sided _anything_. And you know all about me now, Emily. And you've probably noticed that by now, I take trust very seriously."

Emily nodded.

"So, I won't lie to you, you don't lie to me, and maybe once you get over Hanna, we can try something," Alison reasoned. "But I don't know. Anyway, I should really go."

"You don't have to," Emily said in a small voice.

With some strange confidence that took over her body, Alison took in a deep breath and nodded. "I do have to. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... I just... I need to leave."

Emily didn't even have a chance to stop Alison from leaving her room, leaving the house, and getting in her car. As soon as she sat in the driver's seat, every ounce of confidence that had absorbed her mind during the end of her conversation with Emily disappeared. Gone, in an instant. She felt instead extremely anxious, her palms were sweating and her breathing quickening. She didn't hesitate to pull her car out of Emily's driveway, starting down the street.

Alison was aware of her breathing quickening even more as vision started to blur slightly. She knew that this was a panic attack, and she was halfway home when she realized that she needed to pull over, before she got herself into an accident. She hadn't had a panic attack in at least a month, but she knew that if she didn't stop to calm down...

Turning the steering wheel, she tried to blink away the water in her eyes so that she could see clearer, but it wouldn't have helped her even if it had worked, because she felt her car instantly collide with something.

It was intense. Loud, terrifying. The gasp ripped from her throat turned into a scream as she saw a light post in the middle of her hood. How fast had she been going when she tried to pull over? She couldn't remember now, and she wasn't sure if she'd even known how fast she was going the whole time she'd been driving.

She tried to control her breathing, but as soon as she was calm enough to come to the realization that an airbag was pressed to her chest, she panicked again. She found the handle to her door, and she forced it open, stepping out of it and into the street. As she managed to go around her wrecked car and the light post, she felt tears leaking from her eyes. Standing now on the side of the road, she fumbled for her phone.

She was briefly aware of her telling the lady on the 911 line what street she was on, though she didn't remember even looking for the name of said street. She remembered hearing the woman telling her to take deep breaths and to keep her on the phone until the ambulance arrived. Alison remembered trying to tell her that she was fine, it was her car that was wrecked, but the next thing she knew, there were flashing lights approaching her.

Police officers were trying to talk to her all of the sudden, asking about intoxication. She kept telling them that she was fine, and her car had crashed. Finally, a doctor took over for the police officer. She ushered Alison to the back of the ambulance, insisting that it was routine. Alison finally just gave in and let the ambulance take her to the hospital, though she insisted that they don't try to do their checkups until she got to the actual building.

She wasn't fully aware of anything happening until she was resting in between slightly scratchy white sheets. She was alone, she realized, and she took in a deep breath. It couldn't have been more than an hour since she left Emily's, and she was now in the hospital. How had she managed to do that to herself?

The silence enveloping the entire room, and her with it, was extremely comforting. She finally allowed herself to think clearly. She wondered if someone had called her mother and told her what happened.

A woman wearing scrubs entered the room and smiled warmly at Alison. "Hello, Alison, are you feeling okay?"

"Yes," Alison answered. "How long have I been here?"

"Only about twenty minutes," the doctor answered, still smiling. "We finally managed to reach your mom at her office, and she's on her way right now. Can I ask you a few questions?"

Alison nodded.

"Do you remember your accident?"

Alison shrugged. "Yes, but it's like an out of body experience. I was having a panic attack. That's how it always feels."

"So, you were definitely not at all on any drugs or hadn't recently consumed any alcohol?" the doctor questioned. Alison raised an eyebrow as she shook her head. "I'm sorry," the doctor apologized, "you were pretty out of it at the scene, and the police came here, but I thought it would probably be easier for you to talk to a doctor."

"I'm fine now," Alison insisted. "It's over. The panic."

"I know," the doctor said. "But-"

"I don't mean to be presumptuous about what you were just about to say, but I _know_ what my triggers are. And talking about that accident is not one of them," Alison stated.

"Do you mind if I ask what was the trigger for your attack?"

Alison huffed. "Yes, I mind. You're not a therapist."

"Do you have a therapist, Alison?" the doctor wondered.

"You mean you haven't even looked at my medical information on file?" Alison questioned. The doctor gave a sly smile. Clearly, she was trying way too hard to not sound intrusive. "Yes I have a therapist, and considering that I don't even want to talk to _her_ about my trigger, I definitely don't want to talk to you about it. Where's my mom?"

Almost directly after asking, the door to the office opened to reveal a terrified Jessica DiLaurentis. "Alison! Are you alright?" Alison's eyes fell on the doctor, and her mother understood. "Could you please excuse us, doctor?"

"Of course," the doctor said quickly, getting up and walking out of the room.

"What happened, Alison?"

"I had a panic attack. I'm fine now. I can't say the same for my car. I'm really sorry. I know it was expensive, and... oh god," Alison muttered, just now realizing that yeah, her BMW was wrecked.

"I don't care about the damn car, Alison," Jessica snapped. "What _happened_?"

Alison huffed. "I was hanging out with a friend, and we talked about some intense stuff, and I wasn't calm when I left."

"What did you talk about with this girl?" her mother demanded. Alison kept her lips sealed, because she didn't want to lie to her mom, but she didn't want to tell the truth either. "Alison, did you talk to her about California?"

Alison nodded.

"You can talk to a girl you've known for a week, but you can't talk to a trained professional that is bound by law to keep your secrets?" Jessica demanded.

"Are you really going to reprimand me right now?" Alison demanded.

"Alison, what did this girl say? Did she make fun of you? Did she do something to make you panic?"

Alison shook her head. "No, she was nice. She wasn't making me panic, I was. I was panicked because I haven't talked to anyone about what happened, mom. And I did, because I'm an idiot, and then I got in the car, and when I realized that I needed to pull over, I crashed into a light post. And there's the fucking truth."

"Alison-"

"Can you please just get me out of here? It was nice at first, to be in such a bland place, but I want to go to my room and pretend like everything that just happened, _didn't_ happen," Alison muttered.

Jessica carefully looked over her daughter, feeling slightly scared. She was trying to image how Alison might be feeling, but she never really could. "Okay. Yeah, let me get the discharge papers."

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><p><strong>Such angst, such drama, I hope you liked it... It's complicated. :P<strong>

**Goodnight my lovelies! Follow me on Twitter at BrittzandTana to stay updated on when I'll be updating :) xx Please review!**


	8. No Less Than Serious

**A/N: Hey there guys. Now, before you start hurling chairs or tables or dumbbells or whatever object you've just picked up and prepared to fire with, lemme just say, OMG SCHOOL IS A BITCH. I have been so stressed with school lately- probably just made my worst quarter grade ever - and every time I sat down to write, it just felt like too much work stacked on top of the already stressful life of school. So, I give you a thousand apologies along with this update!**

**That's right, you can lower those throwing object.**

**Nowwwww, WAIT! THIS STORY REACHED 150 REVIEWS WHILE I WAS GONE FOREVER! Number 150 was... badadadada... a lovely guest! Thank you all so much for reviewing! I know that I haven't answered as many recently (because I'm an idiot) but I'll try to start answering all of them instead of just the long ones. :)**

**WITHOUT FURTHER ADO EXCEPT FOR MY DISCLAIMER AND MY NOTE TO ENJOY.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!**

**PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW!**

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><p>"Alison, we need to talk for a moment," Jessica DiLaurentis stated firmly as she entered Alison's room, where the younger blonde was brushing out her hair slowly and calmly. Biting her lip, she gently set her brush onto her vanity desk, and turned in the chair, looking to her mother.<p>

"Okay."

"About this girl."

"No."

"No?" her mother demanded, raising an eyebrow. "Alison, we need to discuss this. Who is she? What did you tell her?"

"I told her what happened to me in California," Alison stated. "But I don't want to talk about it. She was really nice about it, and I just needed to leave. It wasn't like I knew that I was having a panic attack. And I tried to pull over when I realized that I was, and voila, lamppost in the hood of my car."

"Don't joke about this, Alison. This is important. The doctor who was talking to you today has prescribed you a medication," Jessica stated.

Alison's eyes widened. "What? I'm fine!"

"I want to believe that, Alison. But if this happens again, it could be your life that ends next time, not your car," Jessica snapped.

"I'm fine, mom. If I get another panic attack, I'll take whatever medications the doctors say, but not yet," Alison snapped. "I'll be fine."

"Fine," her mom responded. "But in return for delaying any medication, you need to talk to your therapist. Do you understand me, Alison? I am concerned for your well being, and I'm trying to help you."

"Okay," Alison stated.

Her mom looked skeptical. "Remember our honesty policy, Alison. I don't want you lying to me."

"I'm not lying about anything, mom," Alison stated. "I'm about to go to bed, though. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

Her mom nodded, and then walked out of the room. Alison let out a light breath and stood from her vanity, stepping instead over to her bed and curling up.

Emily, in the meantime, was helping her mother clean up after dinner. Well, she was cleaning up, and her mom had gotten an "urgent" phone call from one of her police friends, who had apparently just experienced something incredibly interesting.

When Emily was mostly done with the work, Pam Fields finally entered back into the kitchen and grabbed the last of the dishes, slipping them into the dishwasher. "That was Maria from the station – she said that they just got back from a 911 call."

"A 911 call? Here in Rosewood?" Emily asked, quite surprised. It wasn't hard to figure that the small town of Rosewood hardly ever had problems big enough for a 911 call. After getting a confirmation nod from her mom, she raised her eyebrows. "What was it for?"

"Some teenage girl drove her car into a lamppost," Pam answered, sounding flabbergasted. "They think she may have been drinking or on drugs or something. When she called 911, she was totally out of it."

For some reason, this topic made Emily extremely curious about the incident. "Where did this happen? On the edge of town?"

"Only a few blocks from here," Pam admitted. "Somewhere between here and the Hastings house I guess."

Emily's eyes flew open, because considering the time it likely happened, and the location, and the out of it thing... it wasn't hard for Emily to assume that Alison had gotten into an accident. Yes, Emily knew Alison's baggage from California, but she hadn't really explained the lasting effect that was still with her, aside from her plain discomfort around people. Could Emily have been the cause of Alison's accident, if it was in fact Alison's?

"Well, is the teenage girl okay?" Emily continued to pry.

"She was rushed to the hospital, since she was so out of it, but the police left the scene before asking her any questions because of her seeming state of mind, according to Maria. So I wouldn't know," her mom stated. "But I'm sure she was fine if she managed to call 911. Although, her car was definitely totaled. Maria said that it's a shame – the girl was driving a BMW! Who buys their teenager a car like that?"

Emily's throat tightened, because now she knew that it was Alison. "Maybe her family has a lot of money," Emily stated, not really wanting to tell her mom that she knew the girl in the accident. "I'm going to head upstairs now, okay?"

"Okay, sweetie. Don't be late to school tomorrow," Pam advised.

"When have I ever been late to school?" Emily asked, looking at her mom pointedly before heading upstairs. She really wished that she had at least gotten Alison's number before she'd run out and freaked out and crashed her car, so that she could know if Alison was okay. She supposed that she could drive over there, but it was getting late, and if she had gotten in an accident, she would be sleeping by now.

Sighing, Emily decided to take a hot bath to relax – or basically to just stop worrying about Alison. It was starting to dawn on her that it was possible that she liked the blonde more than she had originally realized. It was conflicting, actually, because she knew that she didn't owe Hanna anything, but her brain almost felt programmed to like her. The more Emily thought about it, the more disgusted with herself she felt. Why, of all people, did she have to like Hanna? It would be so much easier if it were someone that she didn't spend so much time with usually.

Or, even better, if all of her crush energy was focused on Alison. Because she liked Alison, she did, it was just like it wasn't all there. Because of Hanna.

Somehow, Emily did manage to get sleep that night.

Alison walked into school the next day feeling tiny. Her mom had dropped her off, because Alison wasn't feeling brave enough to ask Spencer for a ride, and obviously, her car wasn't an option. She felt about two feet tall as she hurried through the halls to her locker and then to her class. She wasn't sure how fast news flew through this town, but Rosewood was small, and anyone at the police station or the hospital could have mentioned it to someone else and then... well, that's how news spread anyway.

As Alison entered her chemistry class, she immediately became aware of how nervous Emily seemed. Her leg was tapping, and she was constantly messing with the ends of her hair. Alison furrowed her eyebrows slightly as she approached the lab table. She wasn't sure why Emily was so nervous, but Alison did know that she had no idea what to say about the previous day. Their conversation... their kiss. It almost felt like as much of a blur as the wreck. Except for the kiss, she could remember the whole kiss. She could even remember every feeling it gave her, and smell of Emily's hair and face.

"Are you okay?" Alison asked as she approached Emily.

"You're asking me?" Emily demanded. Then, her voice dropped in volume as she asked, "Was it you who got into an accident yesterday?"

Alison considered lying for half of a second, but the she realized that Emily had clearly been worried, and she would feel awful about lying. "Yeah," Alison answered softly, taking a seat next to Emily. "But I'm fine."

"I know," Emily stated. "I mean, I know that you weren't hurt. My mom is a cop and she heard about your wreck."

"Oh," Alison stated. "Well, I'm perfectly fine."

"Was it because of me?" Emily demanded. "Was it because of what I did or what I said or because you told me all of that stuff, or-"

Alison swallowed thickly and then cut the brunette off with a gentle, "Emily. It's not your fault. It's my fault. I shouldn't have driven out of your driveway until I was okay. I knew better, but by the time I decided to pull over, I was too far gone to not drive myself into a light post."

Emily didn't say anything. She was too surprised at how calm Alison sounded talking about this, considering her insecurities. Finally, though, she cleared her throat and asked, "Are you _sure_ that you're okay? I mean... your car... and I know that you're okay physically, but like... emotionally?"

"Emily, I'm okay," Alison promised.

Emily bit the inside of her lower lip, hoping that Alison didn't notice. "Um... I'm sorry, but can I have your phone number? I mean, not that I'm expecting you to get into another accident, but I was freaking out last night, and I didn't know how to contact you, and I just... can I please?"

Alison only nodded, snatching a piece of paper from her chemistry binder, which she had taken out during her conversation with Emily, and scribbling her phone number onto it.

Emily gave Alison a small smile as she took the paper. Then, taking a deep breath, she questioned, "Can I call you later? I... I think we need to talk."

"We talked yesterday, Emily," Alison stated. "We can _talk_ later, okay? As in, not this week, and not next week. As in... when Hanna isn't an issue anymore."

"Alison-"

"I'm serious, Emily. In case you haven't noticed, I don't take things very lightly. Good or bad. So I need you to not have another talk like we did yesterday until it's for real," Alison stated. "I've made a lot of mistakes, and I'm not looking to make anymore for long time."

Emily nodded a small nod. Now, she was the one feeling small, and guilty for some reason. She felt guilty for Alison's accident, and she felt guilty for kissing Alison when she still had feelings for Hanna. "Okay. I'm sorry."

Before Alison could answer with anything, the bell rang and class started, and Alison tried not to think of the brunette next to her, who was similarly trying not to think of Alison.

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><p><strong>Sooooo Emily is starting to realize that maybe she's totally sort of obsessed with Alison... The next chapter is going to be another therapist session for Alison and then after that we start getting into the stuff that I KNOW you all have been waiting for, so never fear! I shall not fail you, I promise ;)<strong>

**In the event that you get bored, check out my other fics! :) I'm going to try and update my Carmilla one again soon, as well as my Quinntana fic. :P**

**Ah! If you liked the chapter, or if you didn't, or if you loved it, etc etc, PLEASE leave a quick review! Also, follow me on Twitter at BrittzandTana and tweet me that you read this for a follow back!**

**Omg I missed Fanfiction so much! I haven't been reading any either omg. I'm on Spring break this week, so hopefully I'll be able to write some more updates before school starts again. The problem is that I have to write an English paper and memorize an English speech and finish do work for Spanish and for History this week so... I still have lots of stuffs to be doing that are going to stress me out, but I promise that I will update as much as possible this week! :)**

**Have a lovely night everyone! And a friendly reminder that you're all fabulous. ^.^ PLEASE REVIEW!**


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